I'm linking up with Casey today. Go check out her amazingly beautiful life!
I haven't written a blog post in a while. I have wanted to and have thought about it but I'm struggling with something... Am I too sensitive to have a blog?
It hurts me to celebrate my joys publicly when I know friends are hurting. How can I brag on my husband and marriage when many people in my life yearn for that? How can I be honest about my love for Zach and how he has changed me and David forever in such an incredible way when friends are aching everyday to have a baby? How can I talk about my awesome job where I get to take Zach with me when so many friends are heartbroken over leaving their babies all day to go to work? How can I talk about the blessing my parents are and have been when friends ache for that with their parents or have lost parents? You get the point... It breaks my heart.
I actually wrote on facebook the other day that I have the most amazingly understanding and supportive dad in the world. After I pushed enter, I cried for those who have lost their dads. I almost deleted my comment. The only reason I didn't was because that is how I felt - my dad was there for me and it made my heart so happy that I just had to write it down. Everyone else writes about their joys - do they ever feel this way?
I don't know if I can actually continue blogging because of this all. It's too much. I feel too guilty. I feel guilty for my life? Yep. I do. I know there are so many out there hurting and struggling and to bring to light my joys is just plain mean. Right? I don't know... I was talking to Chelsea the other day and I thought of a magical solution to our world (I'm powerless to make this happen but it's a wonderful dream) - what if we all had the same percentage of pain and joy in our lives? Then all the suffering would be fair. Some people suffer a lifetime and others not much at all. How do you celebrate joy while other are hurting? I just don't know. That's not to say my life is pure joy all the time. There is pain and suffering in my life but I'm not directly affected by others' happiness because my issues aren't so obvious and it would be hard for others to touch on those issues through blogging or facebook. Well, I'm just going to end with that because that's what's on my heart today.
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